Mary

So? The old band from the old school, huh? HELL YEAH.
Don't get me wrong, I am still doing horrible, and I am doing what I can to get over the break-up, but this is actually really awesome. I am going today, and I will be gone until Friday evening, I think. And we will be practicing all week, and it's gonna be so good. I can't wait. Even though, I am probably going to sleep in the bus there, because I am tired as fuck.

Well, Despite Downfall is also doing okay, but the drummer does piss me off slightly, because he can't keep a rhythm, and as a drummer this annoys me greatly. Not sure we're going to accomplish anything in that. But Mary is a whole other matter. The guitarist is an awesome guitarist, who in my opinion is a genious. And the singer has an awesome voice, and he writes some of the best songs I've ever heard. And the bassist is my old room-mate, and very good friend. I am really looking forward to this shit, so I guess I am moving on. 

I still think about my ex a lot, but I think it's getting better. I don't cry as often as I used to, but it still happens occasionally. So, I guess generally, I am doing better. I have made a diary specifically for showing my ex, when the time feels right. Other than that, I am just doing everything I usually do.

Laters o/

Well that's disappointing

Well, if anyone read my last post, you can already tell that I failed. And I was gonna try again today, but I decided to walk. I got to the freeway, and I walked there for some time, and then the police came and drove me home. 
And I was in an argument just now, with my ex. I got mad, and told her that I hoped her life would crumble, and just go to hell. I regret that now. I hope that she lives a good life. Finds the perfect man, maybe even have a child. And then I hope he leaves her. I hope he makes her happy, and then makes sure all that happiness is turned against her, and I hope it hurts. I hope she'll look back in her life, and think something like "Why did I leave him?". I loved her. I still do, but I can't do anything anymore. I still have the friends I met through her, and I hope they will always be my friends. And I will keep the promises I made. At least I am going to try. I can't see myself in the future. I really can't imagine how it'll be in a year or so. Well, this is it for now.

The next few days

So, I have decided to kill myself. I'm gonna do it tomorrow.
The plan is that I'll go into a forest or some shit, and then I'll put a plastic bag over my head and wait, while listening to some music.
I find it kinda funny that I have actually planned doing it, and considering how many times I've wanted to just die, it feels so unrealistic. But still, the thought gives me peace. Gonna be nice.

Falling back

So, I've started talking to her again. And I almost got the feeling that shit might work out between us. That we could be together again. But I just realized, yet again, that it won't happen. Now I feel like crying again, so I will just leave this as it is, even though it is short.


o/